“I broke my left arm, my left elbow, my left femur. I crushed my fourth vertebrae. I broke my three right toes, punctured a lung, broke my nose, and had a severe concussion. I have no—absolutely no—memory of this whatsoever. We were just out having a good time that day, and into the evening. Yeah, it was one of those things.

I saved up as much money as I could, and just put everything in the back of my truck, and drove out and found Boulder . . . and aaaaaahhhhhh! (sings). It was great.

“I had met these guys; I moved in with two dudes and they had a huge crew of friends, and so all of a sudden I was enveloped into this friendship with all these folks, and hung out with these guys all the time. It really felt like we were good friends even though I hadn’t been there that long. There was the four of us, and so it was B, S, and T. I’ll just use their initials. Yeah, we’re just getting shit-canned. There’s really no soft way of putting it, but this was not out of the norm. We would go out and party all the time and drive home. It’s horrible to say now, but we used to drink and drive; that’s just what we did.

“We left the bar. I think we closed the bar down. T had just gotten his old—it was an old muscle car—I don’t even remember what it was…a Nova, or something like that. He hadn’t had it for very long. I remember getting into the car after we left the bar, and from that point on it’s all just what I was told happened.

“I was behind the passenger seat. S was sitting behind the driver’s seat. T was driving and B was actually hanging out of the window like, Woo!, partying. We’re flying home. It was, I think, a
thirty-five-mile-an-hour road, and apparently we were doing fifty or fifty-five, and the road turns, and we don’t turn, and we hit the pole head-on. What happened was the engine block came into the car, and T was killed instantly.

“It hit all of my left side. Then S, on the other side, he had all his injuries on his right side. B was thrown, which actually saved his life, even though he broke both his femurs and had other issues going on. There was a fire station across the street from where the accident happened, and they said if that were not there I probably would not have survived They got the Jaws of Life, and immediately took us to the hospital. I had four blood transfusions, and honestly I don’t remember about eleven days after the accident, even though apparently I was talking with people.

“My parents were actually in New Orleans and got a phone call from my brother…and I don’t even know how they found my brother to let them know what had happened. Yeah, I did a number. It was one of those things that, again, eleven days I don’t remember . . . my twenty-first birthday happened, and the next day apparently my brain started to allow me to have memories again. I asked my mom, I was like, “Whose presents are those, over on the table?” She was like, “Those are yours. Don’t you remember opening them yesterday?” I was like, “No, I don’t.”

“That’s my first memory, post-accident. They had to tell me, “Yeah, you can’t walk right now. You’re sort of bedridden. They’re still figuring out what you might be capable of doing.” It was pretty crazy to wake up and . . . they had to tell me T died . . . and so, just all of this information to learn about, it was pretty crazy, pretty crazy.

“I was in the hospital for, I believe, a month. Then they transferred me to a rehab center and I was there for three weeks . . . I can’t remember exactly, because, again, things are a little hazy around there. I was transferred to this rehab hospital where I had to do occupational therapy. I couldn’t look at a book without the words and the letters getting jumbled. I couldn’t read. I had a really hard time recalling things. I remember they showed me pictures, and there was a picture of a ladder, and I was like, “You stand on it. You climb on it,” but I couldn’t recall what the actual word was. Then, anytime I was above a forty-five degree angle I had to wear a back brace because of the fusion. I didn’t have a fusion then. They put hardware in my back, because when I got there, I had so much broken they had to just triage, and do whatever they could to keep me whole.
“Every day was just, sit up for two minutes and then be exhausted. “Can I sit up for five minutes today?” It was like learning how to just be. Then, after all of the intensive therapies(physical therapy, occupational therapy) I remember doing water therapy, emotional therapy. All of the stuff going on the first six, seven weeks post-accident. Then I had to move back to St. Louis to live with my parents, because I couldn’t take care of myself. I was in a wheelchair and did outpatient therapy every day I was there, until I got to the point that I graduated from a wheelchair. Then I had a walker, then I had a cane. Then I was finally upright.

“In ’96 I was in a back brace for eight months, and it sucked. One of the most therapeutic things I’ve ever done was when I was done with that back brace, we went to Lefthand Canyon, it’s right outside of Boulder, and you used to be able to go up there and shoot. I think you can still. My friend had a 9mm, and I went up and blew the shit out of that damn back brace. It was so awesome [laughs]. It was like the best thing ever. Yeah. Yeah.

“Every May in Boulder they have what’s called the Bolder Boulder. I think you can do a half marathon. There’s a qualifying race for marathon training, or they also have a 10K that you can do. As I’m in the hospital, again, before I could even do anything, I remember looking at the TV and I was like, “Next year we’re going to do that.” I said that to my parents. “We’re going to go walk that Bolder Boulder next year.” That was my determination. I’m going to fucking walk again. I was determined to do that. I am blessed enough that I am able to be mobile and I’m not paralyzed. There’s so many things that could have gone wrong. For as bad as it was, I’m at least … Yeah, I’m very blessed.

“A year went by and the Bolder Boulder happened, and my parents were in town, and we walked the Bolder Boulder. We were the very last people to walk through the finish line, but I fricking did it, man. Here I am at the age of twenty-one—because they rate you on your age group—and so I was at the bottom. I was the last person on that list, but I did not give a shit. I was like, “This is such an accomplishment. I lived through this god-awful experience and I’m able to be here today with my folks, walking this Bolder Boulder together.”
“I remember halfway through the race—and it still happens sometimes—my left foot got a pins and needles feeling to it. I remember we had to stop, and I had to sit down and rest for a minute, but then got back up and finished the race. I’m assuming if you’d ask them [my parents], that they were probably extremely proud on that day as well, because I pretty much scared the shit out of them. I scared the shit out of everybody, including myself, you know? That we were able to be there together and do that, it’s amazing.

“Don’t ever . . . it’s just . . . don’t ever drink and drive. Call a cab. Stumble. Sleep behind a bush. Do not, don’t do it. Don’t ever think that you can get away with it. Again, I got away with it a lot, a lot, but there was that one time that I didn’t. What I went through I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. It’s the absolute worst thing. I would never want to go through that again. I would never want to put my family or my friends through that again. Ugh [crying]. I would never want to do that to anyone, but I wouldn’t be here if that hadn’t have happened. So, it’s a blessing. I would tell anybody: Don’t be stupid. There’s cabs. There’s so many other things that you can do. Or, don’t get as shit-canned. If you are going to get shit-canned, which you can do.

“Just don’t . . . yeah. It’s not worth it. It’s not worth it.

“I would probably have never gone back to college were it not for what I went through. I actually used to be a hairdresser. Then, after the car accident, I was unable to work for a few years. In particular, there was no way I was ever going to be able to do that sort of standing, bending. It just would have been harder on my body because of what I went through. I went back to college, or, I went to college.

“I absolutely love my job because it’s all about trying to end mass incarceration, and get people out of the criminal justice system and onto a more healthcare-focused path. I was so close to not being here, so trying to keep that mindset was challenging on a day-to-day basis. But given this gift, I try to embrace my family when I see them, or make sure I visit friends when I can, and make sure we have fun, and enjoy each other’s company. I think it speaks again to what my work and my drives are. I believe that there are injustices in the world, and I want to try to address and fix those so that other people that are suffering . . . even though it might be different than my experience, I know that people are suffering . . . mine was because I made a really bad choice one day—I think a lot of people that make bad choices deserve second chances.

“I know that’s why, to this day, my husband says that I go on “puppy walks” all the time, and I know that it’s because . . . I always think it’s because . . . I value the fact that I can fricking walk! So, I want to take advantage of this gift of being here, still.

Interviewer: “Puppy walk” meaning walking your dog?”

No, walking myself. I’m the puppy, and I need to go walk myself. I’ll start getting ants in the pants if I sit still for too long.” •